A Life Changing Experience

Part 1

Are you struggling to get to sleep, waking up during the night or waking up early in the morning?

Ask yourself –

1. How much tea, coffee and decaffeinated drinks do you consume?
2. Do you have your main meal later than 8pm?
3. Do you feel tired when you go to bed?
4. How airy is your bedroom?
5. Do you watch TV in bed?
6. Do you have a bedtime routine?
7. Has your mood changed or are you dealing with stress?
8. Do you smoke before going to bed?
9. Is your bed comfortable?
10.Do you have any physical problems?
11.Do you struggle to relax?
12.Do you exercise, and have a healthy diet?
13.Do you snore?
14.Do you feel tired in the morning?

Look out for Part 2 to see how you might tackle Insomnia.

Part 2. What can you do to help solve relationship problems?

1. You need to be aware of passive or controlling behaviours.
2. You need to be aware of blurred boundaries where there is only
“we” and never “I”.
3. You need to ensure that there is never just “I” and never “we”.
4. Beware of always interrupting your partner and not letting them
Finish what they are saying.
5. Beware of automatically blaming your partner.
6. You need to listen to what each of you are saying.
Fully hearing what is actually being said.
Fully understanding what has been said.
Give time to absorb and not just react.
7. How does your partner know what you want?
Do you tell them?
Do you say it clearly enough in words that can be understood that
not only convey your thoughts but also your feelings?
8. Constantly turn towards each other not away.
9. No matter what your problem someone else has faced it as well.

You can seek support from relatives or friends, and some may be brilliant, but it is difficult for them as they have a vested interest – you are their best friend, son, daughter, brother,sister. This is where a therapist can help as they are totally neutral. They are there for both of you as you talk about very difficult and sensitive issues and take decisions about your future.

Contact Autonomy Counselling and Psychotherapy for help with your relationship issues.

This is Part 1 of a two part exploration of relationship problems.  Part 1 briefly looks at possible causes for relationship issues and Part 2 then looks at what actions can be taken to resolve these issues.

As we all know relationships go through various phases and indeed change over time. 

In a sustained relationship there are many highs and lows and indeed fairly mundane plateau’s.  Many changes happen in life and these can impact on our relationship and even strong relationships can have rocky patches. 

Relationship problems can be triggered by a multitude of issues.  Major events such as job loss or illness can cause significant personal as well as relationship stress which can then severely test the partnership to breaking point.

There are many factors that can cause tension in a relationship such as work, money, sex, children and these can slowly impact on the health of the relationship leading to issues.  One thing that often happens at this point is the breakdown of communication.  Unfortunately when life is busy it is only too easy to not realise or ignore how these pressures are impacting on our relationship.  More serious issues can then occur such as infidelity.

The fact of the matter is if you believe your relationship is in trouble then in all probability it is!  What you must keep in mind is that issues can be resolved. 

Remember to look out for Part 2 when we will look at what actions can be taken.

Therapists at Autonomy Counselling and Psychotherapy are experienced at working with couples with relationship issues.

Coping with Anxiety

Common symptoms of anxiety:

• Feeling fearful
• Feeling panicky
• Feeling sick
• Butterflies in stomach
• Agitated
• Feeling tired
• Faster heartbeat
• Chest pain or discomfort
• Trouble with going to sleep or waking up in the middle of the night
• Bad dreams
• Feeling hot or not being able to get warm
• Feeling as if your body is shaking internally
• Sweaty palms
• Lack of appetite or taste
• Headaches, eye strain etc
• Memory and concentration issues

And more!!

What can I do to cope?

• Take time out.  It doesn’t feel possible to think when you are full of fear and anxiety.  The physical symptoms you are feeling are due to the fact that adrenalin is being pumped through your system.  So, distract yourself and take time out to physically calm down such as a warm drink, a bath or a walk.
• Imagine what the worst case scenario might be.  It really can help, and the chances are you and the world will survive.  Don’t fight it – stay with it – feel the panic – don’t distract yourself – breathe slowly and deeply – try not to take more than 12 breaths a minute.  It might take awhile, even up to an hour, but helping the mind cope with the panic helps take the fear of fear away.
• Don’t avoid fears.  Avoiding only makes them scarier.  Whatever your fear, if you face it, it should start to fade.
• Embrace the fear.  Each time you face them makes it easier to cope the next time.
• Fears are more often worse than reality.  Even if incidents have happened previously it does not mean that they will happen again.
• Perfection doesn’t exist.  Black and white thinking or to think things have to be perfect only sets us up to be anxious.
•  Close your eyes and imagine a place where you feel safe and calm.
• If you can get a good sleep, eat well and healthily and take some physical exercise.
• When you face any anxiety remember to reward yourself.
• Share your fears.  Talking about your fears with others can really help. Talk to a partner, family, a friend or seek help by contacting a counsellor or psychotherapist who are professionally trained to help you through your issues.